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The Emotional Impact

For many people, the social and emotional distress of having herpes is far worse than the physical symptoms of the disease, especially upon first discovering they have been infected.

Adams knows this well. After some marital difficulties and a separation, Adams and her husband reunited. But their tenuous relationship was further strained when he brought genital herpes back to the marriage. "It hurt our chances of getting back together," says Adams. The relationship ended in divorce.

The doctor who diagnosed Adams wasnt very understanding, she says. "I really felt betrayed on all counts." Adams found understanding and information from the herpes support group that she now helps facilitate. "It always hurts to see someone feel so worthless and angry at the world," she says. "We see people who say I havent told anyone. I havent dated in five years. This virus has taken over their whole life. We let them see that were OK. We all lead normal, happy lives."

Adams, who used to have painful outbreaks every month, now has them rarely. She keeps an antiviral drug in her medicine chest just in case, but hardly ever has to use it. "Im a firm believer that attitude is all-important. If youre upset about it and you think about it all the time, youre going to have outbreaks. Once you realize this isnt going to kill you, at that point you feel stronger and your whole immune system gets stronger."

"The hardest thing about having genital herpes is having to tell someone," says Adams. Like many people with herpes, Adams believes its important to tell a new partner about the disease before having sexual relations.

"People should have a right to make an informed decision," says STD clinic owner Warren. "The consequences of not telling are not only possibly infecting a person with a disease that they dont want, but the question of trust comes up. What else havent you told them about yourself? Our experience indicates that far more people accept sexual partners with herpes than reject them."

The first time Phinney told someone, it didnt go well. He hadnt had the virus long and he was very distraught. "I transferred some of my anxiety about herpes to that person," he says. After learning more about herpes and accepting his condition, Phinney was more at ease with telling. "I dont think the words or the setting are very important. I think the single most important thing was being well-educated and comfortable with my own condition."

When Phinney told Karen, now his wife, he still faced several fears"The fear of infecting someone else and also facing the possibility that someone I was interested in and wanted to be in a long-term monogamous relationship with would reject me."

But Karen was very accepting and willing to put things in perspective, says Phinney. "She came with me to support group meetings. She told us [the group] that she had decided that I was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and although she didnt want to get herpes it wasnt something that was an insurmountable block to establishing a relationship."

Phinney was on suppressive antiviral therapy when he met Karen and he continues to stay on it. He has not had an outbreak in over a year. In the couples six years together, there is no evidence that Karen has been infected. "Were operating on the presumption that by keeping my outbreaks in check, were reducing the probability of my infecting her."

Phinneys presumption is the subject of ongoing studies. Researchers have found that daily doses of antiviral herpes drugs reduce asymptomatic shedding, but whether this suppressive therapy can help prevent transmission is not yet known.

Another area of long-time study is a herpes vaccine. No vaccine has been shown to be effective in human studies, but researchers continue to work toward that end.

In the meantime, learning about the disease and talking openly with a partner can help people with herpes take control of their lives. "Once they understand it and recognize it, control is a lot easier," says Ashley. "Over time, it becomes a nuisance rather than a mind-altering and life-changing event." For natural Homeopathic Relief to attack Herpes Symptoms click here